Tuesday, June 2, 2009
dead or alive
Once Santa Singh, the psychiatrist, met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard you are dead."
But you see I'm alive, smiled the friend.
Impossible, said Santa Singh. The man who told me is much more reliable than you.
But you see I'm alive, smiled the friend.
Impossible, said Santa Singh. The man who told me is much more reliable than you.
Daytona beach conversation
Daytona beach conversation
A widowed Jewish lady was sunbathing on a beach at Ft. Myers Florida . She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. 'Hello, sir, how are you today?
'Fine, thank you,' he responded, and turned back to his book.
'I love the beach. Do you come here often?' she asked 'First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago,' he replied and turned back to his book.
'I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is very lonely' she countered. Do you live around here?' she asked.
'Yes, I live over in Cape Coral , 'he answered' and again resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, 'Do you like pussy cats?
With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and on to her, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, 'How did you know that was what I wanted?'
The man replied, 'How did you know my name was Katz?
A widowed Jewish lady was sunbathing on a beach at Ft. Myers Florida . She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. 'Hello, sir, how are you today?
'Fine, thank you,' he responded, and turned back to his book.
'I love the beach. Do you come here often?' she asked 'First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago,' he replied and turned back to his book.
'I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is very lonely' she countered. Do you live around here?' she asked.
'Yes, I live over in Cape Coral , 'he answered' and again resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, 'Do you like pussy cats?
With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and on to her, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, 'How did you know that was what I wanted?'
The man replied, 'How did you know my name was Katz?
The Cow From Minsk
The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk.
The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.
They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise rabbi, what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.
When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side."
The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"
The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi," they said.
"How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?"
The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."
The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.
They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise rabbi, what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.
When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side."
The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"
The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi," they said.
"How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?"
The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."
Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Saturday, May 30, 2009
An Accident
A person See his friend with Bandage on his face.
He sked what happened.
Friend reply that last weak a man hurt by my car.
But may he was hurt not you.
friend reply with sorrow that today he has a meting with me.
He sked what happened.
Friend reply that last weak a man hurt by my car.
But may he was hurt not you.
friend reply with sorrow that today he has a meting with me.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Intelligent people
Bush asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is.
*He says that, it is to surround him with intelligent people.
*Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
*"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam.
*"Allow me to demonstrate. "
*Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,
*"Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question:
*your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
*Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"
*"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Kalam.
*He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
*Bush nods: "Yes Mr.
*President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
*Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Condoleeza Rice to the test.
*Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
*"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
*Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
*Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
*Bush agrees, and Rice leaves. Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can *come up with an answer.
*Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.
*"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
*Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
*Much relieved Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir!
*I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"
*And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, Stupid
..
it's Manmohan Singh!"
*He says that, it is to surround him with intelligent people.
*Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
*"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam.
*"Allow me to demonstrate. "
*Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,
*"Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question:
*your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
*Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"
*"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Kalam.
*He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
*Bush nods: "Yes Mr.
*President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
*Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Condoleeza Rice to the test.
*Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
*"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
*Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
*Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
*Bush agrees, and Rice leaves. Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can *come up with an answer.
*Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.
*"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
*Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
*Much relieved Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir!
*I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"
*And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, Stupid
..
it's Manmohan Singh!"
Friday, May 15, 2009
Memon Jokes
MEMON DAY
Memon: Yeh kaila(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Memon: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Memon:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de
================
A Memon on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, I'm here
My sons & daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Memon:To phir brabar wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay ??? :D:D:D
================
1 memon 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne
apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
================
1 memon ne arbi ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Arbi ne usay MERCEDES gift kardi.
Arbi ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Memon ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Arbi ne till waly laddu gift kiye, Memon:Ghusse se, mercedez
kion nahi di?
Arbi:Munna...!!
Ab hamarey ander bhi memono ka khoon dor raha hay:)
================
A Memon called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Baap Mar gaya hai, kya
charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Memon: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Ghafoor Bhai Died".
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Memon: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho....... ......... .
Ghafoor Bhai Died - Suzuki for Sale .
================
Memon asks a Taxi Driver: Abdullah Shah Ghazi k mazaar jao gay?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Memon ne jaib se shopper nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ki biryani lete aana.
================
Aik MEMON ko Jin chairh gaya ,
3 din baad Jin khud ek Aalim k paas gaya aur bola, Aalim sahab mujhe
bahar Nikalo..! Warna me to bhoka hi mar jaon ga
================
Shadi me 1 memon bahut der tk khata raha, Kse ne pocha bhae kb tk khaty
rhogy?
Memon: Yaar me khud kah kha k thak gya hun pr kya kron card me lkha tha
"Dinner 7 to 10pm
================
Memon to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot
gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota to naya q lerahe ho
Memon: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.
================
EIK MEMMON KHALI KATOREY MAIN
ROTI DABA KAR KHA RAHA THA
WAITER NE DEKA TU POUCHA
AP YAH KIA KAR RAHEY HIAN
MEMON NE JAWAB DIYA
MAIN MATHS KA TEACHER HOON OR DALL
SUPPOSE KAR KAY KHARAHA HOON
================
Titanic K Sath Memon Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost:
Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Memon:
Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda
Memon: Yeh kaila(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Memon: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Memon:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de
================
A Memon on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, I'm here
My sons & daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Memon:To phir brabar wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay ??? :D:D:D
================
1 memon 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne
apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
================
1 memon ne arbi ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Arbi ne usay MERCEDES gift kardi.
Arbi ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Memon ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Arbi ne till waly laddu gift kiye, Memon:Ghusse se, mercedez
kion nahi di?
Arbi:Munna...!!
Ab hamarey ander bhi memono ka khoon dor raha hay:)
================
A Memon called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Baap Mar gaya hai, kya
charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Memon: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Ghafoor Bhai Died".
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Memon: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho....... ......... .
Ghafoor Bhai Died - Suzuki for Sale .
================
Memon asks a Taxi Driver: Abdullah Shah Ghazi k mazaar jao gay?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Memon ne jaib se shopper nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ki biryani lete aana.
================
Aik MEMON ko Jin chairh gaya ,
3 din baad Jin khud ek Aalim k paas gaya aur bola, Aalim sahab mujhe
bahar Nikalo..! Warna me to bhoka hi mar jaon ga
================
Shadi me 1 memon bahut der tk khata raha, Kse ne pocha bhae kb tk khaty
rhogy?
Memon: Yaar me khud kah kha k thak gya hun pr kya kron card me lkha tha
"Dinner 7 to 10pm
================
Memon to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot
gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota to naya q lerahe ho
Memon: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.
================
EIK MEMMON KHALI KATOREY MAIN
ROTI DABA KAR KHA RAHA THA
WAITER NE DEKA TU POUCHA
AP YAH KIA KAR RAHEY HIAN
MEMON NE JAWAB DIYA
MAIN MATHS KA TEACHER HOON OR DALL
SUPPOSE KAR KAY KHARAHA HOON
================
Titanic K Sath Memon Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost:
Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Memon:
Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda
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